Eat Your Words

My waitress' ass cheeks were hanging out of her tiny shorts...of course I thought she did this on purpose to get more tips so I commented on it. She had no idea and I'm pretty sure my food tasted like spit.

Chicago, IL

Bizarre Foods

I think my first mistake was going to Red Lobster hungover. But I would never expect the super old hostess say to me "oh you just touch the lobsters in tank. I just LOVE it when young people touch my lobsters." What does that even mean?

Skokie, IL

Just Weird

We were talking about football and you immediately started talking about quarterbacks rubbing the center's balls when they bend down to hike the ball. Stop talking and leave.

Chicago, IL

Insecure

Overheard at B-Dubs in Lincoln Park: "I can't wait to go to New York tomorrow...mostly because now I'm certain I'll get patted down when I go through security. YES!"

Chicago, IL

Waffle House Creep

First of all, you're a middle aged man at waffle house at 3am...alone. Then, you tried to get my attention while I was paying by saying "come on baby." Come on what? And don't think I didn't see you lick the edge of that A1 steak sauce bottle, recap it, and put it back on the table like nothing happened. Other people use that too, ya know. Who orders a steak at waffle house anyways? It's called waffle house for a reason, creep.

Atlanta, GA

The Host

The host at a sports bar shouldn't try to pump up a group of guys before seating them to watch a football game. Instead of simply saying our table is ready, he smiled and said, "Are there any MEN here who wanna watch some FOOTBALL?!" I don't know why he unnecessarily stressed men and football so much, but the fact that the bar is located in a mostly gay neighborhood definitely had something to do with it.

Ferndale, MI

Starbuck's Tool

I really thought you were a cute guy until you told me you liked Miley Cyrus. Now I have to find a new Starbucks to go to.

Chicago, IL