Phantom Pix Message

I recently received a random picture of some dude's balls on my cell phone. To this day, I still don't know who it was sent from.

Chicago, IL

Father & Son Time

Nothing says "father & son male bonding" like celebrating America's pastime--a night of drinking and a baseball game--unless, of course, it's capped off with a pit stop to the strip club off of the highway on the way home. It was cool and all, but I should never have to end a lap dance by asking the stripper to wait for me so I can go ask my Dad for money to pay for it. Thanks for the memories, Dad.

Milwaukee, WI

Girl Outside of Bruno's

You were the absolute drunkest person I have ever seen. While your friend was getting handcuffed by police for whatever reason, you were swaying--unaware of reality--on the sidewalk. I walked by as you squatted down in your mini skirt, and proceeded to puke and piss at the same time. Welcome to Chicago, me.

Chicago, IL

Sunglasses While It's Raining

It's not sunny outside, so take off your sunglasses. In fact, it's raining so now you look like a creep and an asshole.

Chicago, IL

My Buddy's Mom

Your mom just had a baby, and you invited me into the room to see her while she was breast feeding. Thanks for that.

Detroit, MI

151 Rider

You were sitting across from me, smiling with like 3 single teeth, and trying to wink at me.

Chicago, IL

Halloween Store

I was looking at an outfit for a Halloween party and you just walked by me and said, "oh, you'll definitely get all the guys in that." What a creep.

Cleveland, OH

Red Line Sleeper

It looked like you were coming back from what looks like a respectable corporate job. All that respect went out the window when you feel asleep on me. A grown ass man should not be needing an afternoon nap on a college kid.

Chicago, IL

Dad's E-Mail

You sent me a "funny" video of girls getting their tops unwillingly pulled down by random guys. I haven't been the same since.

Chicago, IL

Couple in My English Class

Stop making out and cuddling before class. It's so fucking annoying, and it's no surprise you 2 uggos found each other. Even the teacher stopped and stared with a look of disgust as he walked in.

Chicago, IL

Shirtless Guy in Window

I laid on my couch all day, hungover and shirtless. When I decided to open the drapes to the big picture window in the front room, I forgot that I was half naked and staring at the family across the street unload groceries from their car. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Chicago, IL

Kreeping at the Kerryman

Our bachelor party was having a great time, but when you offered to blow every guy in our group, that's when it went from overly friendly to total slutbag. That did not seem like your first time offering that to a group of random guys either. Did you end up finding any takers after we left?

Chicago, IL

Dolly

We were simply trying to get a case of beer to drink on a lovely Sunday afternoon when you approached us if we knew how to make a "Salty Dog" in the grocery store. No one knew what the fuck you were talking about, yet you then proceeded to tell us how to make it while adding various remarks about your failed marriages and how your husband ran off with his little "tricky." What the hell kind of people are breeding in Omaha? And no, I don't want to come to the bar in your basement to drink my beer.

Omaha, NE

Ugly Chicks in Denver

You kept pulling up alongside us checking us out at 2:30 in the morning on the way back from a bar. Not only that, you tried giving us your number while driving 70 alongside us. When that didn't work, you motioned for us to follow you OFF the interstate to talk to us. Is that your usual way of getting guys? Just wait til they are drunk enough to make a mistake with you? I'll keep my dignity, thanks.

Denver, CO

Homeless Woman on Addison L Stop

You asked for some spare change, so I gave you some. You then asked for a hug to thank me, so I gave you one. You crossed the line when you kissed my cheek and tried to nibble my earlobe. I can still feel your fish lips on my skin and I want to cry every time I think of that chilling moment. I've never felt so used.

Chicago, IL

Ghost Hunters

We went to the cemetery to scare ourselves while we pretended to be ghost hunters. You, on the other hand, were there for some kind of twisted pleasure. So you like to be alone in cemeteries at night? Satan worshiper? You started fucking petting a child's gravestone. What. The. Fuck.

Bachelor's Grove, IL

Fr. Joe

I think you're a great guy, you know, being a retired priest and all...but when you're offered wine at dinner, don't try to politely decline it by saying it's cause red wine makes you horny. There's so much wrong with that. SO much.

West Palm Beach, FL

Two-Fingers McAndrew

I had a computer teacher in elementary school that only had 2 fingers on one of his hands. He swore he could type faster than any of us 4th graders with 7 fingers than we could with our 10. I never saw him type. I only remember him resting his mangled hand on the girls' shoulders and saying, "well, young lady, you're lookin' mighty fine today." Fast forward to today -- he's brought up on abuse charges. How ironic I'm typing this now, and he's in jail.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Library Stare

Every time I looked up, you were staring at me. I just moved because of you.

Chicago, IL

Old Man Outside of Victoria's Secret

You were just standing and staring at the mannequins wearing lingerie. I'm so glad you're not my grandpa.

Chicago, IL