What Nice Feet You Have

Dude on the subway came up to a girl I was with and said what beautiful feet she had. Before we could react, he leaned over and started stroking her feet and commenting on how he liked one better than the other.

Buffalo, New York

Snowman Lookin' For Love

Overheard on the L: "Man, I need to get me a girl to be my snow bunny so we can fuck like rabbits on these cold winter nights."

Chicago, IL

Asleep on the L

You fell asleep and drooled on yourself. I watched the whole thing starting from when you opened your mouth to when you woke up waking the spit off. I feel so worthless having nothing else to do but watch a random person drool on themselves.

Chicago, IL

Danglin' The Dice

I think I could see the "woman" sitting across from me's balls hanging out of "her" skirt. It was like a car wreck, and I couldn't look away. I hate the L.

Chicago, IL

Bret Michaels Wanna-Be

Great pick-up line, bro: "You ever seen 'Daisy of Love'? Yeah, my buddy was on that." Hearing you try so hard was the highlight of my commute.

Chicago, IL

Lock Master

I have a lot of keys on my key ring and they fell out of my purse waiting for the bus. When I picked them up the man next to me just said, "who are you trying to keep out of your house so badly with all them keys, girl?"

New York, New York

Weather Man

Waiting for the L in the freezing cold, you asked me what my ideal outside temperature is...you just wanted an excuse to tell me your's is 69. What a tool.

Chicago, IL

Different Strokes

You were looking at me, licking your lips, and stroking the pole you were holding on to in a very inappropriate manner, sir. I don't care if that's normal in Boystown, but where I'm from it's disgusting no matter what.

Chicago, IL

Life Partner

We're practically standing nose-to-nose on the train and you told me that I looked like your "life partner." I didn't know it was possible to be any more uncomfortable than I already was. Thanks for the wonderful morning commute.

Chicago, IL

Leg Shaker

Your leg was bouncing up and down so much while I was sitting next to you. I don't know if you're jonesing for crack or you get nervous sitting in cramped buses, but either way your leg was shaking against mine. When I asked you to stop, your response was, "oh, since it's cold out I thought I'd warm us both up by rubbing thighs."

Chicago, IL

Look-A-Like Sniper

I was on the train and this guy looked just like my friend so I went up to him and tried to take a picture to document the uncanny resemblance, but the train moved and it came out blurry. He noticed what I did and started shifting away from me, so at my stop I said "STOP MOVING!," took another pic, and ran off the train. Got it.

Chicago, IL

Toe Tapper

Take off your fucking iPod, asshole. You're keeping beat with your toe on my foot. I thought it was an innocent mistake until I purposely moved my foot, and then you somehow found your way to my foot again. Don't be so merry--you're on the L.

Chicago, IL

Eating on the Bus

It's totally unnecessary for you to eat your meatball sub on the bus. What's even more troubling is the way you looked at me when you licked the sauce off of your fingers. You fucking slob.

Chicago, IL

Red Line Recluse

You could not be more uninviting. Sunglasses on even though we're in and underground tunnel, hood up even though your inside a fucking subway car, headphones blaring death metal music, and the use of your coat sleeve as a Kleenex. Welcome to life, buddy.

Chicago, IL

Apology to Everyone I Just Passed

I just left the gym and didn't have any extra boxers, so naturally I went commando. I didn't realize that my fly was down the entire time I was walking home and taking the L, and was unknowingly flashing my dick to everyone I passed. My bad.

Chicago, IL

Girl on the Bus

I guess my punishment for reading your diary over your shoulder as you were writing is you farting mustard gas in my face for the entire ride to class. What the fuck are you eating? Sorry about you failing that test...and let me know how your boyfriend takes the break-up. Same time next week?

Chicago, IL

(Wo)Man on Red Line

You were an overweight, under-trimmed mannish woman. Okay, I get the picture -- you don't like to shave your legs, but seriously, I almost puked when you started to play with your leg hair.

Chicago, IL

Bus Rider Next to Me

It's so unnecessary the way you spread your legs while sitting in your seat. You're on a jam packed bus full of strangers overflowing onto other seats, and you keep rubbing your thighs against mine as if it's cause the bus turned sharply.

Chicago, IL

151 Rider

You were sitting across from me, smiling with like 3 single teeth, and trying to wink at me.

Chicago, IL

Red Line Sleeper

It looked like you were coming back from what looks like a respectable corporate job. All that respect went out the window when you feel asleep on me. A grown ass man should not be needing an afternoon nap on a college kid.

Chicago, IL