What Nice Feet You Have

Dude on the subway came up to a girl I was with and said what beautiful feet she had. Before we could react, he leaned over and started stroking her feet and commenting on how he liked one better than the other.

Buffalo, New York

Sneak A Peek

We only have one bathroom at work. I walked in on the secretary peeing because the door was cracked a little and I didn't think anyone was in there. I think we're both scarred for life.

Chicago, IL

Bad, Bad Thoughts

You: "Do you ever wonder what happened the night your Mom and Dad made you?"

Never. Jesus. So wrong.

Chicago, IL

Danglin' The Dice

I think I could see the "woman" sitting across from me's balls hanging out of "her" skirt. It was like a car wreck, and I couldn't look away. I hate the L.

Chicago, IL

No More Blue Balls

I could hear my roommate beating off from one floor below him. I had to avoid him for 2 days straight after.

Bowling Green, OH

Dog Days of Christmas

Thanks for sending me a picture of your dog's boner. What wonderful way to start my day.

St. Louis, MO

Not So Silent

I thought it was pretty funny to be farting in the library. I also thought that just my buddy could hear them. But when I got up and saw your face staring at me with disgust in the reflection of the window...wow. I apologize, because I have no idea you were 3 ft behind me. You could've moved though, it was going on for at least an hour. Did you enjoy?

East Lansing, MI

No Longer My Friend

I thought there is no way in hell what I heard was true, but even when I asked you, you couldn't deny it...you had sex with a homeless chick just because she randomly somehow had a tattoo of your name on her arm. What THE FUCK?! I never thought I'd hear of such shame. No amount of soap will ever get you clean again.

Champaign, IL

Lockerroom Buddies

I was sitting in the sauna in between two very fat, very sweaty, very old men. They started talking about how great their weekend was because they had sex with their wives. I immediately ran out thinking I escaped the horror, but they left right after me and talked about it the whole time while they showered. Shame on you, old people.

Chicago, IL

Kleenex Boy

Not only do you blow your nose like a trumpet, but you proceed to look at the snot in the Kleenex afterward. I sit behind you and it's inevitable that everyone sees your own treasured mucus collection. It's disgusting, and that's why no one wants to be your partner in anything.

Chicago, IL

Slurpie

You sit in front of me and all I see is dandruff on your dirty clothes. Every 3 minutes all I hear is the sound of you slurping up and swallowing the spit you've accumulated in your mouth because you have a cold and have to breathe with your mouth open the whole time.

Chicago, IL

Mrs. Mustache

You're a 45 year old woman, it's time to shave that mustache on your face. Plus, you work at Subway. I couldn't stop thinking of those dirty hairs beneath your nose while I was eating. It ruined by tasty footlong treat.

East Lansing, MI

No-Shave November

No-Shave November does NOT apply to girls. I want you to know this because I could see your pubes when you were doing the oddest fucking stretch I have ever seen at the gym. Control those things.

Grand Rapids, MI

Girl on the Bus

I guess my punishment for reading your diary over your shoulder as you were writing is you farting mustard gas in my face for the entire ride to class. What the fuck are you eating? Sorry about you failing that test...and let me know how your boyfriend takes the break-up. Same time next week?

Chicago, IL

Aww Skeet Skeet

You told me you like to take your computer to different places in our dorm and beat off there because you get bad wireless in your room. What...What the FUCK?!

Chicago, IL

Walk-In Invite

I was at a house party last weekend when I walked into a random room and saw you hooking up with one of my friends. You're only response was, "wanna join?" I immediately found the bathroom and puked. How's that for an answer?

Boston, MA

Shithead at Joe's

First, who shits in a jam-packed bar's bathroom?And second, then proceeds to invite people in to check it out because you didn't want to flush? No, I don't want to see your "best dump ever."

Chicago, IL

Your Sister's Friends

You called me over to look at a picture of "all your sister's hot friends on Halloween." Of course I came over to check it out and right when I did, you immediately realized your little sister was one of the "hot friends" you were checking out. You promised me not to say anything, but I seriously can't keep that to myself.

Chicago, IL

Airport Screener

Why were you security screening that super old woman? She was like 102 and about to die. You looked so happy smiling and eyeing her as you patted her down. Gross.

Chicago, IL

No Words Can Explain

This day will forever haunt me. I was sitting in class and earnestly trying not to pay attention to anything our professor had to say. I successfully made it through, but as I was about to leave, I glanced over at the wrong moment. As you got up and stretched, your shirt started to rise and I saw that you had "tucked" up your dick and the top was poking out. Our teacher is a 75 year old man and you sit at the front of the room. What is wrong with you???

Omaha, NE