Bathroom Kid at the IC

What the fuck kind of sounds were you making in that stall? You sounded like Chewbacca getting a proctology exam.

Chicago, IL

Mother with Pigtails at Target

If you have a daughter that looks about 10, you are too old to wear pigtails. For your child's sake, dress more 'grown up', instead of looking like a schoolgirl with an accelerated aging disorder.


Amherst, NY

Whole Foods Creep

You followed me around the entire time.

Chicago, IL

Stare Down at Loyola Red Line

You were alone and sulking on the Loyola Red Line platform; looked like you crawled out of the "Thriller" video; and gave me the once over at least 3 times in a span of 2 minutes while I was waiting for the next train. It is so unnecessary to walk by me so many times. You are such a goddamn creep.

Chicago, IL

Cut Off at Heenans

The fact that you're 40 and in a college bar on a Saturday night is creepy enough. But your cut-off hoodie screams sexual assault. I think they have WWE on in the bar next door.

Elmwood Buffalo, NY

Drunk Girl at Rugby Party

It's cool that you are wasted and having fun, just don't sit on my lap. Those blisters you told me you got from falling asleep with a heating pad on your leg, left residue on my shorts. You're basically a walking infection.


Buffalo, NY

Mom on Web Cam

When I'm talking about having sex with you over web cam, I'm assuming your alone. I saw your Mom peer into your room TWICE while we were talking. Now you know why I just left.

San Francisco, CA

Gray Dance Pants

You had the biggest camel toe I have ever seen. Though slightly amusing, it would've helped if you weren't pushing 200.

Milwaukee, WI

Sunglasses Creep on Brown Line

FYI Your glasses are SEE THROUGH. You stared at that girl's tits the entire time you were on the train. Nice job, slick.

Chicago, IL

Pride Fest

Just because you're gay and celebrating your "pride" doesn't make it okay when you offer to suck my dick as I walk by. I have no choice witnessing this horrific orgy, so please don't spank me with a paddle as I walk by either. And god dammit wear something more than a thong.

Chicago, IL

Sick Kid at The Rockhouse

You won't stop rambling to me about all of your medical history at a bar. 1) I don't care. 2) Your body hates you more than I do.

Chicago, IL

Girl at Halas

Next time, you should shower before you come talk to me. You definitely had a chance until I smelled you before I even saw you. How does anyone even smell like a barnyard had sex with a fish market?

Chicago, IL

Ecstasy Creep

Stop telling me how good it feels to take ecstasy and have sex. No drug would ever make me have sex with you...ever.

Chicago, IL

Sweaty Guy at Sound Bar

I could feel drips of sweat going down MY back as you tried to come up behind me and dance. Now I hear music and think I'm going to flashback to that nightmare.

Chicago, IL

Creighton Bar Elder

You are 3 years post graduation. You have tried (and failed) at graduate school in TWO countries. So please stop going to the bar near campus and trying to pick up the girls. No one above 21 goes in there anyways, so it makes it even worse.

Omaha, NE

Kid in My Finance Class

You look like a tool when you lean back with your feet up on the desk. And that landing strip on your face doesn't make you look cool, it makes people gag.

Omaha, NE

Your Brother's Room

I know I blacked out last night because I usually remember going to sleep in a room full of various sized swords. I appreciate the hospitality too, but next time just leave me face down on the basement floor. Waking up hungover in a makeshift castle is terrifying.

Livonia, MI

Dad

Next time I tell you I'm bringing friends over for you to meet, please wear pants.

Boston, MA

Greg at The Cubbie Bear

No, I'm not on MySpace. And no, I won't become your friend on Facebook either.

Chicago, IL

Dude Next To Me in the Library

Why were you looking at little girl's dresses?

Chicago, IL