Forrest Gump

We were watching Forrest Gump and you told me you wish you could find a man like Forrest because you have a 'thing' for slow guys.

Eden, New York

Snowman Lookin' For Love

Overheard on the L: "Man, I need to get me a girl to be my snow bunny so we can fuck like rabbits on these cold winter nights."

Chicago, IL

Shot Caller

I can always appreciate a guy buying me a shot. But just because it's a blow job shot doesn't mean I'm going to blow you. Nice try.

Chicago, IL

Textcapades

I know when you're wasted because you always text me the same thing: "heyyy :0 your open mouth =mmm mmm good"

Chicago, IL

Jailbait Friend

When talking about your little sister's hot friend:
You: "I would let her do terrible, terrible things to me."

She's 17, dude.

Greenwich, CT

Shopper Stare

I walked out of the dressing room and you were just staring at me. I couldn't find my friend so I walked back in until I thought you'd be gone. You weren't. Wtf?

Troy, MI

Higher Standards

I just found porn on my Dad's computer. Sadly, it's better than what I look at.

Cleveland Heights, OH

Salutations

Nice meeting you the other day. You walked in and introduced yourself by asking which one of us you were going to sleep with.

East Lansing, MI

Skin Tight

Your mom loved to comment on the speed skaters outfits. Especially about how she can see their dicks. Priceless.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

No Nips

You're so fat and gross. No, I don't want to see your nipple ring. I'll take your word for it and walk away from you.

Chicago, IL

Camel Toe Extraordinare

You watching the Olympics: "Dude, look at that camel toe...I could do some real damage to that thing." What?

Chicago, IL

Stop & Stare

I'm hoping you were just staring off into space, but when I looked up you were staring right at me. I kept looking up and you hadn't moved for what seemed like the longest minute of my life. I had to leave the library.

Birmingham, MI

Government Can't Tell You Who You Can Love

I overheard your conversation at the bar about limited government. After you came to an agreement about the government's role in abortion, you began discussing beastiality. You concluded that you both were pro-beastiality. My dog loves the park right around the corner, now I have to take him to the ghetto one further away, thanks.

Buffalo, NY

New Female Roommate

I'm apologize for commenting on your new brown colored bed set by exclaiming "Now no one will know when you do anal." I think I may have crossed the line.

Buffalo, NY

Snookie Lookin'

You tried running your fat sausage fingers through my hair and you looked like Snookie got hit by a bus. There's no way I'm ever going to buy you a drink.

Pontiac, MI

All The Single People

Guy at Enclave: "Baby, you know the only way you and I will be single tonight is when we get together and become one." You are the lamest greaseball on the planet.

Chicago, IL

Valentine's Day Friend

You sat next to me at the bar while I ordered a drink and offered to be my valentine. When I said no, you then just asked me if I wanted to fuck. Happy Valentine's Day to me.

Chicago, IL

Ass Man?

Thanks for walking behind me and only saying "heyy girrrrl, look at that ass" for 3 blocks. Of course I wasn't going to talk to you.

St. Louis, MO

Mardi Great

I love Mardi Gras. I can walk down the street saying "show me your titties!" and not have a care in the world.

St. Louis, MO

Bad, Bad Thoughts

You: "Do you ever wonder what happened the night your Mom and Dad made you?"

Never. Jesus. So wrong.

Chicago, IL