Danglin' The Dice

I think I could see the "woman" sitting across from me's balls hanging out of "her" skirt. It was like a car wreck, and I couldn't look away. I hate the L.

Chicago, IL

No More Blue Balls

I could hear my roommate beating off from one floor below him. I had to avoid him for 2 days straight after.

Bowling Green, OH

Rubber Roommate

My roommate loves rubbing our dog's balls thinking it's funny. Even the dog knows it's fucked up.

Chicago, IL

Just Weird

We were talking about football and you immediately started talking about quarterbacks rubbing the center's balls when they bend down to hike the ball. Stop talking and leave.

Chicago, IL

The Sniffer

I walked into my room and you were smelling my socks. You thought they were yours? Yeah, bullshit.

Chicago, IL

Oh-No

I wished my cab driver a "Happy Oh-Ten." His response: Yeah, for my Oh-Face.

Chicago, IL

Pierce Out

No, I don't want to see your other piercings. I don't want to see the ones I'm looking at now.

Brooklyn, NY

Peeping Me

I saw my neighbor walking around naked in his garden apartment. He wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he doesn't have blinds either...so I hid behind the cars and walked by a few times.

Chicago, IL

Saved By the Wal

A homeless man followed me for a block just going "he he he he he." I had to run into Walgreen's for 10 minutes just to make sure he wasn't going to be there when I left.

Chicago, IL

Bret Michaels Wanna-Be

Great pick-up line, bro: "You ever seen 'Daisy of Love'? Yeah, my buddy was on that." Hearing you try so hard was the highlight of my commute.

Chicago, IL

Babysitter's Club

Just because you knew me when we were little doesn't mean we're friends now. Plus, when my little sister came up to us you said "Oooh and who might this be?" You babysat for us.

Pittsburgh, PA

Garbage Breath

It's a week past Christmas--you found part of a wreath in the garbage outside and said it was mistletoe to try and kiss me.

West Lafayette, IN

Happy New Year?

You whispered "Happy New Year" in my ear and tried to kiss me. Who the fuck are you?

Chicago, IL

Don't Pinch Me

You came up behind me and started playfully pinching my hips while you tried to dance up behind me. When I pushed you off because you couldn't take a hint, you did the exact same thing to my friend standing directly next to me.

Chicago, IL

New Year, New SVU

I asked a rhetorical question about whether or not a crime committed in 2009 would fall under the statute of limitations in 2010. You announced to a large amount of people at the party that you could rape any girl at the party and get away with it when the clock struck midnight. Thanks you pretty much ruined anyone's chances of hooking up tonight.

Buffalo, NY