My Teacher's Costume

There's nothing like seeing your teacher outside of class. Especially when I saw him at the costume store looking at a slutty nurse outfit. Looks like I'll be getting an A in that class. Cell phone pictures = the best.

Indianapolis, IN

Wrigleyville McDonald's Homeless Men

Every time I walk by your shopping cart gang, one of you has to say something to me. You know I where I live because I've looked back and seen you all staring at me when I'm at my front door. Somehow it does feel kind of nice to hear a grumbled "well hello there, young man...looking good today as always." So, thanks?

Chicago, IL

Girl Outside My Bio Class

I just met you, but I always see you outside of my bio class when it's done. When I brought this to your attention you didn't think it was as ironic as I did. Your response: "Oh, it's cause I know your schedule." Excuse me, what?

Denver, CO

Friendly Peep Show

We were all having a great time until you took the random girl you just met into my roommate's bed and started having sex with her with us still in the room. We share rooms. There were like 6 of us spending the night in there. And as if throwing a blanket over you and her was going to hide what you're doing? It's not an invisibility cloak, Harry Potter. Oh, and that was my blanket too.

East Lansing, MI

The Girls Nexts Door

We invited you over for drinks and then you accused us of creeping on your house. However the real creeps were exposed throughout the night when each of you, in full detail, explained our different daily routines, room by room.

Buffalo, NY

You Must Be New Here

I didn't want to hook up with you so I told you I had to quickly do something in my room first. I locked the door, fell asleep, and forgot about you. You sat on my couch texting me for 4 hours. How did it possibly take you that long to get the hint I wasn't coming back?

Chicago, IL

Facebook Favorites

You told me you had "Facebook Favorites" that you would look at when you were bored and alone. Please tell me I'm not one of them. Please.

Chicago, IL

Open Window?

I was walking by your house and I could hear you having sex. Please tell me a window was open because, if not, you must have been seriously fucking screaming. Literally, I guess.

Phoenix, AZ

Jamaican Bobsled Team

You told me you were going to be a Jamaican bobsled team member for Halloween. I immediately asked if you had actually had a bobsled and then if I could take a ride on your bobsled. I'm sorry that came out way too quickly. I don't even know what that means.

Chicago, IL

Evan

I've walked in to find you upstairs with the TV off and you sitting peering out the window. I don't know how long it took you to realize I was standing there watching you gaze into the street below, but you didn't say a word to me until I left the room and came back in. How often do you just sit...and stare?

Chicago, IL

Laundry in the Kitchen

I love that your Mom folds all the laundry on the kitchen table. Especially because now I know what type of underwear she wears just by getting a drink of water.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Halloween Creeper

When I asked you what you were dressed as for Halloween I wasn't expecting you to say 'pedophile'...I see you wear that sweater at least once a week, is there anything you want to tell me before I see it on the news?

Getzville, NY

New Neighbor

I realize I just moved in a few apartments down and you're excited to meet a new friend, but when I'm taking out the trash in my boxers...that is not a good time to get to know me better.

Chicago, IL

Bus Rider Next to Me

It's so unnecessary the way you spread your legs while sitting in your seat. You're on a jam packed bus full of strangers overflowing onto other seats, and you keep rubbing your thighs against mine as if it's cause the bus turned sharply.

Chicago, IL

Old Roommate

You walked into the room and introduced yourself to my friends for the first time in your boxers...your dick was hanging out of the unbuttoned crotch hole the entire time.

Chicago, IL

Phantom Pix Message

I recently received a random picture of some dude's balls on my cell phone. To this day, I still don't know who it was sent from.

Chicago, IL

Father & Son Time

Nothing says "father & son male bonding" like celebrating America's pastime--a night of drinking and a baseball game--unless, of course, it's capped off with a pit stop to the strip club off of the highway on the way home. It was cool and all, but I should never have to end a lap dance by asking the stripper to wait for me so I can go ask my Dad for money to pay for it. Thanks for the memories, Dad.

Milwaukee, WI

Girl Outside of Bruno's

You were the absolute drunkest person I have ever seen. While your friend was getting handcuffed by police for whatever reason, you were swaying--unaware of reality--on the sidewalk. I walked by as you squatted down in your mini skirt, and proceeded to puke and piss at the same time. Welcome to Chicago, me.

Chicago, IL

Sunglasses While It's Raining

It's not sunny outside, so take off your sunglasses. In fact, it's raining so now you look like a creep and an asshole.

Chicago, IL

My Buddy's Mom

Your mom just had a baby, and you invited me into the room to see her while she was breast feeding. Thanks for that.

Detroit, MI

151 Rider

You were sitting across from me, smiling with like 3 single teeth, and trying to wink at me.

Chicago, IL

Halloween Store

I was looking at an outfit for a Halloween party and you just walked by me and said, "oh, you'll definitely get all the guys in that." What a creep.

Cleveland, OH

Red Line Sleeper

It looked like you were coming back from what looks like a respectable corporate job. All that respect went out the window when you feel asleep on me. A grown ass man should not be needing an afternoon nap on a college kid.

Chicago, IL

Dad's E-Mail

You sent me a "funny" video of girls getting their tops unwillingly pulled down by random guys. I haven't been the same since.

Chicago, IL

Couple in My English Class

Stop making out and cuddling before class. It's so fucking annoying, and it's no surprise you 2 uggos found each other. Even the teacher stopped and stared with a look of disgust as he walked in.

Chicago, IL

Shirtless Guy in Window

I laid on my couch all day, hungover and shirtless. When I decided to open the drapes to the big picture window in the front room, I forgot that I was half naked and staring at the family across the street unload groceries from their car. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Chicago, IL

Kreeping at the Kerryman

Our bachelor party was having a great time, but when you offered to blow every guy in our group, that's when it went from overly friendly to total slutbag. That did not seem like your first time offering that to a group of random guys either. Did you end up finding any takers after we left?

Chicago, IL

Dolly

We were simply trying to get a case of beer to drink on a lovely Sunday afternoon when you approached us if we knew how to make a "Salty Dog" in the grocery store. No one knew what the fuck you were talking about, yet you then proceeded to tell us how to make it while adding various remarks about your failed marriages and how your husband ran off with his little "tricky." What the hell kind of people are breeding in Omaha? And no, I don't want to come to the bar in your basement to drink my beer.

Omaha, NE

Ugly Chicks in Denver

You kept pulling up alongside us checking us out at 2:30 in the morning on the way back from a bar. Not only that, you tried giving us your number while driving 70 alongside us. When that didn't work, you motioned for us to follow you OFF the interstate to talk to us. Is that your usual way of getting guys? Just wait til they are drunk enough to make a mistake with you? I'll keep my dignity, thanks.

Denver, CO

Homeless Woman on Addison L Stop

You asked for some spare change, so I gave you some. You then asked for a hug to thank me, so I gave you one. You crossed the line when you kissed my cheek and tried to nibble my earlobe. I can still feel your fish lips on my skin and I want to cry every time I think of that chilling moment. I've never felt so used.

Chicago, IL

Ghost Hunters

We went to the cemetery to scare ourselves while we pretended to be ghost hunters. You, on the other hand, were there for some kind of twisted pleasure. So you like to be alone in cemeteries at night? Satan worshiper? You started fucking petting a child's gravestone. What. The. Fuck.

Bachelor's Grove, IL

Fr. Joe

I think you're a great guy, you know, being a retired priest and all...but when you're offered wine at dinner, don't try to politely decline it by saying it's cause red wine makes you horny. There's so much wrong with that. SO much.

West Palm Beach, FL

Two-Fingers McAndrew

I had a computer teacher in elementary school that only had 2 fingers on one of his hands. He swore he could type faster than any of us 4th graders with 7 fingers than we could with our 10. I never saw him type. I only remember him resting his mangled hand on the girls' shoulders and saying, "well, young lady, you're lookin' mighty fine today." Fast forward to today -- he's brought up on abuse charges. How ironic I'm typing this now, and he's in jail.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Library Stare

Every time I looked up, you were staring at me. I just moved because of you.

Chicago, IL

Old Man Outside of Victoria's Secret

You were just standing and staring at the mannequins wearing lingerie. I'm so glad you're not my grandpa.

Chicago, IL

Bus Eavesdropping

I heard you talking about me and my friends on the bus to class. I had my headphones in and I know you knew I was there too cause I heard you say you shouldn't talk too loud or I'd hear you. Good thing my iPod was off and I heard every word. You're such a bitch.

Chicago, IL

Shady Puke Boy

You almost threw up on my roommate and then shady bounced. You left your t-shirt and boxers too. Thanks you asshole.

Albion, MI

Gym Confession

I stared you down in the gym and it didn't even phase me in the least. I know we made eye contact, and I guess I got a little weird when I realized what I was actually doing, but honestly I couldn't look away. I'm sorry I'm not sorry.

Chicago, IL

Waiting for the Bus

When the bus pulled up and I could see my reflection in the windows, I saw you staring at me until it pulled away. I couldn't bear to turn around.

Chicago, IL

John Mayer Wanna-be

You talked yourself up so much about playing guitar that I thought you'd shut up if I offered to hear you play. I was stupid and went to your room, and then you proceeded to shut the door and lock it. 1) That is totally unnecessary and creepy. 2) You fucking suck.

San Francisco, CA

Internship Douche

When telling me about the possibility of an internship, don't put your arm around me. You smelled like onions and shit.

Ann Arbor, MI

Pen Chewer

You were going to town on your pen and staring down the girl in front of you. You didn't blink for like 2 minutes and kept swabbing the inside of your cheek with your pen. I wish I didn't watch you for so long. It was so weird, and now I feel like a creep too.

Indianapolis, IN

Weezer

It was just you and me in the elevator for 5 floors, but I can still hear you weezing next to me. It sends chills down my spine.

Chicago, IL

Shoe Tying

I swear it started off as an innocent stare into space, but then when you bent down to tie your shoe I couldn't help notice your thong was showing. I'm sure you could feel my eyes staring at your ass cause when you turned around you looked immediately at me and knew what I was doing. Whoops...but thanks.

Chicago, IL

Apology to My Calculus III Class

I'm sorry for creeping you all out. I didn't know you were watching me pick the lint out of my belly button.

East Lansing, MI

Roommate Getting Weird

I'm just sitting here reading a book, and I can feel you gazing at me. In fact, you are ALWAYS staring at me. It was funny at first, but now its really creepy. You look like you want to tickle me and then rape me. Now I have to do all my studying away from home. Thanks, creep-o.

East Lansing, MI

Tranny Protector

It may have been 2 AM and I may have been in a dress, but that does not give you, a gender unspecified human -- four times my size --the right to pull me into a bear hug as I passed by. You claimed to be protecting me from the guy hollering at me...at least I knew he was male.

Chicago, IL

Stoplight at LSD and Sheridan

You were staring at me every single time I checked my mirrors sitting at the stoplight. You didn't blink. Wtf?

Chicago, IL

Homework Helper

I thought you were trying to help me with my homework until I realized you kept coming over to get a better look down my shirt.

Chicago, IL

Guy by Porta-Potty

You look 40. Telling two college girls to kiss each other and then lingering close by mumbling 'That's hot' outside the porta-potty is unacceptable.

Iowa City, IA

Facebook Creep

You told me you beat off to someone on Facebook, then tried to play it off as a joke. That's not what social networking sites are for.

Guy Playing Basketball

Your nipples are so long you could use them to serve shish-kabobs. I'm nervous to play defense because they might stab my eye. Plus, we're not playing shirts and skins. Please cover your chest swords.

East Lansing, MI

Congrats on the Newborn

Don't show me a picture of your newborn cousin when I can still see your Aunt's legs spread eagle in the background.

Cincinnati, OH

Hospitality?

Thanks for letting me sleep on your bedroom floor. Except when I heard you and your girlfriend hooking up the entire time. What were those noises?

Denver, CO

MSU Porta-Potty

You kept offering to wipe for me while I was waiting in line for the bathroom. I seriously think you meant it.

East Lansing, MI