Salutations

Nice meeting you the other day. You walked in and introduced yourself by asking which one of us you were going to sleep with.

East Lansing, MI

Not So Silent

I thought it was pretty funny to be farting in the library. I also thought that just my buddy could hear them. But when I got up and saw your face staring at me with disgust in the reflection of the window...wow. I apologize, because I have no idea you were 3 ft behind me. You could've moved though, it was going on for at least an hour. Did you enjoy?

East Lansing, MI

The Toucher

You've become infamous for being really touchy when you drink. But dude, I'm another man. Don't ever come up behind me and gently rub my waist. And your excuse that you thought I was my girlfriend? WTF?? Never again.

East Lansing, MI

Pleasure Town

Me and my friend were trying to have a threesome with this girl in our dormroom. We kept feeding her shots of Bushmills, but pretended to take them ourselves. All was going well until my buddy whipped out his cock, slapped her on the thigh, and said, "I'll take you to pleasure town." Lets just say it didn't have the effect he intended.

East Lansing, MI

Sleeping Buddy

I got way too drunk before the MSU-ND football game and passed out in the stands during the middle of the 3rd quarter. It's not the fact that I passed out per se, but that I passed out on the little kid sitting in front of me luckily while his parents were gone. My buddy woke me up and I left where I was sitting, but not before I patted the kid on the head and thanked him for being a true friend.

East Lansing, MI

Professor McBelly-Cave

Stop wearing skin-tight shirts please. You teach a class of 100 people, and we can all see your giant belly-button. No joke, I could easily fit a baseball inside that stomach cave.

East Lansing, MI

Mrs. Mustache

You're a 45 year old woman, it's time to shave that mustache on your face. Plus, you work at Subway. I couldn't stop thinking of those dirty hairs beneath your nose while I was eating. It ruined by tasty footlong treat.

East Lansing, MI

Sweats McGee

Sorry for the handshake. I bet it felt like you dipped your entire arm into warm oil. I sweat a lot on adderall.

East Lansing, MI

Friendly Peep Show

We were all having a great time until you took the random girl you just met into my roommate's bed and started having sex with her with us still in the room. We share rooms. There were like 6 of us spending the night in there. And as if throwing a blanket over you and her was going to hide what you're doing? It's not an invisibility cloak, Harry Potter. Oh, and that was my blanket too.

East Lansing, MI

Apology to My Calculus III Class

I'm sorry for creeping you all out. I didn't know you were watching me pick the lint out of my belly button.

East Lansing, MI

Roommate Getting Weird

I'm just sitting here reading a book, and I can feel you gazing at me. In fact, you are ALWAYS staring at me. It was funny at first, but now its really creepy. You look like you want to tickle me and then rape me. Now I have to do all my studying away from home. Thanks, creep-o.

East Lansing, MI

Guy Playing Basketball

Your nipples are so long you could use them to serve shish-kabobs. I'm nervous to play defense because they might stab my eye. Plus, we're not playing shirts and skins. Please cover your chest swords.

East Lansing, MI

MSU Porta-Potty

You kept offering to wipe for me while I was waiting in line for the bathroom. I seriously think you meant it.

East Lansing, MI

New Roommate Ryan

I don't care that you webchat your girlfriend in Germany, but don't leave it on all the fucking time. I don't want my naked ass streaming across the Internet when I get out of the shower.

East Lansing, MI

Girl at ATO

Did you just smell me? Wtf.

East Lansing, MI