The Graduate

Working high school gradation parties are supposed to be fun, not a time for the father of the graduate to hit on his daughter's hot, jail bait friends. Keep that in mind, Mr. *******.

Chicago, IL

Textcapades

I know when you're wasted because you always text me the same thing: "heyyy :0 your open mouth =mmm mmm good"

Chicago, IL

Santa's Lap

My uncle that I never see except like once every 4 years decided to play Santa at our family Christmas party. Of course, I'm still considered part of the kids table so I get a gift from "Santa" aka my drunk uncle. He was adamant about me sitting on his lap until he would give me my gift... yeah, I'm 23. Once I sat on his lap he even said, "that's a good girl..you didn't want to be acting naughty for Santa did you?" Fuuuuck my family.

Chicago, IL

Growing Fonder

Your uncle was really impressed by the way I've "grown up" over the years. Seriously, he was staring at my boobs and one-eyeing me the whole time he was talking to me. Merry Christmas to me.

Sandy Springs, GA

The Toucher

You've become infamous for being really touchy when you drink. But dude, I'm another man. Don't ever come up behind me and gently rub my waist. And your excuse that you thought I was my girlfriend? WTF?? Never again.

East Lansing, MI

Pleasure Town

Me and my friend were trying to have a threesome with this girl in our dormroom. We kept feeding her shots of Bushmills, but pretended to take them ourselves. All was going well until my buddy whipped out his cock, slapped her on the thigh, and said, "I'll take you to pleasure town." Lets just say it didn't have the effect he intended.

East Lansing, MI

Sleeping Buddy

I got way too drunk before the MSU-ND football game and passed out in the stands during the middle of the 3rd quarter. It's not the fact that I passed out per se, but that I passed out on the little kid sitting in front of me luckily while his parents were gone. My buddy woke me up and I left where I was sitting, but not before I patted the kid on the head and thanked him for being a true friend.

East Lansing, MI

Just Bad

I think you were trying to be seductive while you sang in my ear, but you have the worst goddamn voice I have ever heard. And you spit on me so much too. Seriously, you were awful in every aspect. I don't know why you gave me some weird version of a pouty face when I left you on the dance floor and bolted out the door. Oh, you looked stupid giving that face too.

Ann Arbor, MI

Darcy

I like you're into the whole buddy-buddy neighbor thing, but I'm not cool with you always stumbling into our apartment wasted and uninvited. I came downstairs half-naked and you were just standing there in our kitchen. At least turn the lights on...come on.

Chicago, IL

Sloppy Girl at Madison

When every other girl dresses up like a slut on Halloween, you certainly thought it'd be a good idea to do the same. Unfortunately for everyone else, we had to look at you the whole night. Some girls just shouldn't pretend to be a Playboy bunny. Trust me, no one wanted to go home with you no matter how much titty you were showing.

Madison, WI

Father & Son Time

Nothing says "father & son male bonding" like celebrating America's pastime--a night of drinking and a baseball game--unless, of course, it's capped off with a pit stop to the strip club off of the highway on the way home. It was cool and all, but I should never have to end a lap dance by asking the stripper to wait for me so I can go ask my Dad for money to pay for it. Thanks for the memories, Dad.

Milwaukee, WI

Girl Outside of Bruno's

You were the absolute drunkest person I have ever seen. While your friend was getting handcuffed by police for whatever reason, you were swaying--unaware of reality--on the sidewalk. I walked by as you squatted down in your mini skirt, and proceeded to puke and piss at the same time. Welcome to Chicago, me.

Chicago, IL

Ugly Chicks in Denver

You kept pulling up alongside us checking us out at 2:30 in the morning on the way back from a bar. Not only that, you tried giving us your number while driving 70 alongside us. When that didn't work, you motioned for us to follow you OFF the interstate to talk to us. Is that your usual way of getting guys? Just wait til they are drunk enough to make a mistake with you? I'll keep my dignity, thanks.

Denver, CO

Your Brother's Room

I know I blacked out last night because I usually remember going to sleep in a room full of various sized swords. I appreciate the hospitality too, but next time just leave me face down on the basement floor. Waking up hungover in a makeshift castle is terrifying.

Livonia, MI

Stan

Old man that lives below me. Drinks alone in the dark, and only comes out after he's polished off a bottle of Jack. Often seen meandering around Roscoe's late at night and has a strange obsession with overly painting things.

Chicago, IL