Weird Thoughts

It was so creepy that you suggested we start a website about how big our friend's penis is. And yet, I told you I'm down.

Mesick, MI

Lockerroom Buddies

I was sitting in the sauna in between two very fat, very sweaty, very old men. They started talking about how great their weekend was because they had sex with their wives. I immediately ran out thinking I escaped the horror, but they left right after me and talked about it the whole time while they showered. Shame on you, old people.

Chicago, IL

Top Websites?

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Thanksgiving Memories

Thanks for pushing your knuckles together and laughing like a clown because you could make your fingers slightly resemble a vagina. What's Thanksgiving dinner without a creepy uncle?

Detroit, MI

Baiting Deer

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Pleasure Town

Me and my friend were trying to have a threesome with this girl in our dormroom. We kept feeding her shots of Bushmills, but pretended to take them ourselves. All was going well until my buddy whipped out his cock, slapped her on the thigh, and said, "I'll take you to pleasure town." Lets just say it didn't have the effect he intended.

East Lansing, MI

Mega-Creep

Traveling on a bus full of strangers isn't my idea of luxury especially when I lean my chair back to sleep and wake up with the guy behind me's hand resting next to my face. He found no problem with his actions. I felt used.

Detroit, MI

Kleenex Boy

Not only do you blow your nose like a trumpet, but you proceed to look at the snot in the Kleenex afterward. I sit behind you and it's inevitable that everyone sees your own treasured mucus collection. It's disgusting, and that's why no one wants to be your partner in anything.

Chicago, IL

MGMT Stare

Every time I turn my head, you are staring at me. It's now been 13 weeks of you staring, and I'm about to snap because I'm starting to think every time I turn my head to the right, you will always be there staring. No matter the place, no matter the time.

Chicago, IL

Taste Tester

I was putting on my lip gloss and you asked me if I could give you a taste. I've never been so self-conscious putting on lip gloss ever since.

Chicago, IL

Thanks for the Compliment?

Staring at me from across the bar I could barely hear you, but the one thing I did hear you yell at me was, "My eyes like the way you look." What kind of compliment is that? And did you just learn how to speak English?

Chicago, IL

Video Watching

I was walking by your computer when I stopped to watch the video you were watching. I forgot that peering over a random person's shoulder isn't socially acceptable, yet I stayed until you saw my reflection in the screen and turned around to see me running away.

Chicago, IL

The Greatest Show on Earth

So this girl asked me on a date. It's the 21st century, I'll let it go-but to the Circus? Let me get this straight, you want our first date- that you are asking me on-to be surrounded by grown men running around with make-up, women with beards, midgets, and hundreds of children? What type of message are you going for?

Chicago, IL

Sleeping Buddy

I got way too drunk before the MSU-ND football game and passed out in the stands during the middle of the 3rd quarter. It's not the fact that I passed out per se, but that I passed out on the little kid sitting in front of me luckily while his parents were gone. My buddy woke me up and I left where I was sitting, but not before I patted the kid on the head and thanked him for being a true friend.

East Lansing, MI

Mom

I know they're married, but my Mom should not be talking to me like I'm her sorority sister. She was talking to me about my Dad and just said "mmm, he looked so hot... You have NO IDEA, (name)." I'm so glad I moved out of that house of sin.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Lady of the Night?

My grandpa called my sister a "lady of the night" when he saw what she was wearing before going to the bars. There's just something about my grandfather thinking about prostitutes and equating them to his oldest granddaughter that doesn't sit well with me. Now I can't stop myself from thinking about him thinking about prostitutes whenever I see him. He started a vicious cycle.

Chicago, IL

Leg Shaker

Your leg was bouncing up and down so much while I was sitting next to you. I don't know if you're jonesing for crack or you get nervous sitting in cramped buses, but either way your leg was shaking against mine. When I asked you to stop, your response was, "oh, since it's cold out I thought I'd warm us both up by rubbing thighs."

Chicago, IL

Qwest Manager

You told us we should treat the credit card slot as if it were a girl and "have a gentle touch." Then you topped it off with: "I will come over if you have troubles. I have a gentle touch. These hands know how to treat a man...trust me." NOT OK! You are a 50 year old lady talking to 8 frat guys. I'll dragon slay somewhere else, thanks.

Omaha, NE

Supercuts

When you asked me to slouch in the chair, I assumed it was because you were short. You continued to cut my hair while rubbing your fupa up my arms and shoulders. You weren't even looking at my hair while you cut, you just kept smiling at me in the mirror like it was a sick joke. That was a much creepier haircut than the national advertisement implied.

Buffalo, NY

Half Time at Home

At work, I overheard your story about the "barely legal" chick you picked up at the bar on your 32nd birthday. You mentioned how you told her that you "only live with your parents 6 months a year." I don't know whats creepier that pick up line or you bringing girls back to an underpass 6 months a year.

Troy, MI

Slurpie

You sit in front of me and all I see is dandruff on your dirty clothes. Every 3 minutes all I hear is the sound of you slurping up and swallowing the spit you've accumulated in your mouth because you have a cold and have to breathe with your mouth open the whole time.

Chicago, IL

Professor McBelly-Cave

Stop wearing skin-tight shirts please. You teach a class of 100 people, and we can all see your giant belly-button. No joke, I could easily fit a baseball inside that stomach cave.

East Lansing, MI

Cradle Robber Boyfriend

It was so creepy when you turned to your girlfriend and said,"I was a freshman in college when you were 10 years old."

Miami, FL

Skype Creeper

I was video skyping my Mom when she asked who my friend was behind me peering over my shoulder. Not only are you so fucking creepy, but you are NOT my friend--you're a 40-year old man who works at my school.

Chicago, IL

Leech Girl

You followed me everywhere I went on Friday. Seriously, everywhere. I don't know how you knew where I was going because I intentionally ignored your repeated calls and texts, but you showed up at every house and bar I went to. And every time I saw you, you were looking at me and would immediately look away. Dear God.

Kalamazoo, MI

Sex-capades

Bragging about how many random dudes you've had sex with in the weirdest places isn't winning me over. You aren't appealing even before you open your mouth, so really, just stop talking.

Chicago, IL

Ball Slap

So I thought I was playing a game involving slapping my friends' balls really hard, but I realized that I went up to the wrong person. I smacked a random person in the groin so hard, but there was zero reaction. Her reaction asking me,"what the fuck are you doing?" still reverberates in my head.

Chicago, IL

Cold Teacher

My accounting teacher has the biggest, saggy boobs ever. She was nipping the entire time, and I could not look away. It was like staring at a train wreck for an hour.

St. Louis, MO

Pee-ing Tom

I went to look for a stall to pee in and we made eye contact when I knocked to see if the stall you were in was empty. It was so awkward and weird. You didn't say a word, yet I still remember the half-smile on your face as if you were waiting for someone like me to do that.

Pittsburgh, PA

Bathroom Intruder

I didn't properly lock the stall door and some guy just walked in on me taking a shit. I know it was an accident, but goddamn I feel so violated.

Chicago, IL

Curry Boy

You went up to all my friends and I and told us that we have curry pudding in our pants because we're Indian. What the fuck does that even mean?

Chicago, IL

Look-A-Like Sniper

I was on the train and this guy looked just like my friend so I went up to him and tried to take a picture to document the uncanny resemblance, but the train moved and it came out blurry. He noticed what I did and started shifting away from me, so at my stop I said "STOP MOVING!," took another pic, and ran off the train. Got it.

Chicago, IL

Toe Tapper

Take off your fucking iPod, asshole. You're keeping beat with your toe on my foot. I thought it was an innocent mistake until I purposely moved my foot, and then you somehow found your way to my foot again. Don't be so merry--you're on the L.

Chicago, IL

Midnight Grocer

It's midnight and we're both in the grocery store. The difference is I got in and got out within minutes while you, on the other hand,were just staring at the salad dressings. I hope you were high. No coherent person should ever take that long choosing anything.

Chicago, IL

Mrs. Mustache

You're a 45 year old woman, it's time to shave that mustache on your face. Plus, you work at Subway. I couldn't stop thinking of those dirty hairs beneath your nose while I was eating. It ruined by tasty footlong treat.

East Lansing, MI

Walking to Class

All I heard you say was: "You think if your dog was a human, you'd want to fuck it? Cause I legitimately LOVE my dog that much." I couldn't even hear the response because I instantly stopped walking behind you.

San Francisco, CA

Eating on the Bus

It's totally unnecessary for you to eat your meatball sub on the bus. What's even more troubling is the way you looked at me when you licked the sauce off of your fingers. You fucking slob.

Chicago, IL

Mega Bus Ladies

1. You're drinking MGD bottles at 8 am. 2. You acknowledged that you didn't know I was behind you the whole time, but you still kept talking about how kids these days can get AIDS so easily, and you're thanking God you don't have it because when you were younger, you were a "loose, loose girl." I was trying to sleep. My dreams were tainted.

Detroit, MI

No-Shave November

No-Shave November does NOT apply to girls. I want you to know this because I could see your pubes when you were doing the oddest fucking stretch I have ever seen at the gym. Control those things.

Grand Rapids, MI

Red Line Recluse

You could not be more uninviting. Sunglasses on even though we're in and underground tunnel, hood up even though your inside a fucking subway car, headphones blaring death metal music, and the use of your coat sleeve as a Kleenex. Welcome to life, buddy.

Chicago, IL

Weird Text

I gave you my phone number because you are a family friend and wanted to do an interview with me sometime. I didn't give it to you so on my anniversary you could text me saying "Happy Anniversary! Easy on the lovin!!!" You're a priest. PLEASE NEVER TEXT ME AGAIN!

Omaha, NE

Stin

You sat in your bed naked and watched Bravo for 4 hours instead of doing absolutely anything productive. When I came in from class, you called me in your room to tell me all about what's been happening to the guys from "Million Dollar Listing," and offered the chair next to your bed to me as if I wanted to join you in your nude Bravo-fest. No thanks.

Chicago, IL

Workout Buddies

Every time I go to the gym the same people are there doing the exact same routines when I'm in there. I've watched them so much I know the order they go in, the weight they use, and how many sets they do. I also find myself cheering to myself for them when they're struggling and proud of them when they finish strong. Fuck, I'm a creep. I know it's only gonna get worse.

Chicago, IL

Grandpa Pants

You wear your pants so high I can see the full outline of your cock and balls. It's unimpressive and weird. People are talking about you.

Chicago, IL

Sweats McGee

Sorry for the handshake. I bet it felt like you dipped your entire arm into warm oil. I sweat a lot on adderall.

East Lansing, MI

Drive By Creeping

So as I'm driving home from class last week I just so happen to look over at you when you are looking at me. Not only do you look at me, but you then keep staring and drive the same speed as me. 1st look: You mouth "hi" to me. 2nd look: You blow me a kiss. I laugh at you and look away. 3rd look: You start licking your lips. I start looking for the nearest turn. 4th look: You point to your cock and ask if i want to suck it. I IMMEDIATELY turn down a street so you couldn't follow. Please don't car molest me again.

Omaha, NE

Bathroom Sing-a-Long

I sat down in the stall next to you and all I could hear was you humming and your iPod blaring "I Just Can't Wait To Be King." That was the quickest I've ever peed.

Chicago, IL

Apology to Everyone I Just Passed

I just left the gym and didn't have any extra boxers, so naturally I went commando. I didn't realize that my fly was down the entire time I was walking home and taking the L, and was unknowingly flashing my dick to everyone I passed. My bad.

Chicago, IL

Friend at Family Dinner

When I invited you over for a family dinner, I didn't expect you to creep on my sister all night. Seriously, you didn't stop talking to her the entire night so much that my grandmother even asked me if you mentally stable.

Chicago, IL

Loud Breather

During the test, all I could hear was your inhumane heavy breathing. You know it's bad when our teacher even asks you to breathe softer because you're ruining everyone's concentration. Get that shit checked out.

Chicago, IL

Cell Phone Snoop

I was looking for my cell phone on the kitchen counter where my Mom just set down all the bags she brought in from shopping. I started looking through the bags thinking my phone somehow slipped in one of them when I found a box of condoms my Mom just bought. Fuck that phone.

Chicago, IL

Body Shots at Mt. Chalet

You've gotta be at least 50 and you're doing body shots at a neighborhood bar. Not only did the bartenders and everyone in the bar hate you before you started doing body shots, but when you tried to get off the table, you spilled shit everywhere and got kicked out because of it. Well done trying to fight the bouncers.

Birmingham, MI

Classroom Monitor

I never come to class except when there's an exam, so when you tell me that you never see me in class anymore and I have no fucking clue who you are -- that creeps me out.

Chicago, IL

Girl on the Bus

I guess my punishment for reading your diary over your shoulder as you were writing is you farting mustard gas in my face for the entire ride to class. What the fuck are you eating? Sorry about you failing that test...and let me know how your boyfriend takes the break-up. Same time next week?

Chicago, IL

Party Pooper at Heenan's

There aren't that many girls at the bar in the first place, and then you have to go and scare them off before they even finish their first beer by creeping on them more than I have ever seen. Way to be a team player!

Buffalo, NY

Candid Camera

I saw you take a picture of me on your cell phone in class. And then I found it on my news feed on Facebook.

Chicago, IL

Just Bad

I think you were trying to be seductive while you sang in my ear, but you have the worst goddamn voice I have ever heard. And you spit on me so much too. Seriously, you were awful in every aspect. I don't know why you gave me some weird version of a pouty face when I left you on the dance floor and bolted out the door. Oh, you looked stupid giving that face too.

Ann Arbor, MI

Aww Skeet Skeet

You told me you like to take your computer to different places in our dorm and beat off there because you get bad wireless in your room. What...What the FUCK?!

Chicago, IL

MILF

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Walk-In Invite

I was at a house party last weekend when I walked into a random room and saw you hooking up with one of my friends. You're only response was, "wanna join?" I immediately found the bathroom and puked. How's that for an answer?

Boston, MA

Peeping Dad

You and I were watching TV on the couch while your Dad was asleep in a chair next to us. Right after we moved closer to each other, I looked over and he hadn't moved an inch, but had one eye open just staring at me. I can't tell you how that image has been burned into my memory. I'm still scared he's watching me at this very moment.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Darcy

I like you're into the whole buddy-buddy neighbor thing, but I'm not cool with you always stumbling into our apartment wasted and uninvited. I came downstairs half-naked and you were just standing there in our kitchen. At least turn the lights on...come on.

Chicago, IL

Shithead at Joe's

First, who shits in a jam-packed bar's bathroom?And second, then proceeds to invite people in to check it out because you didn't want to flush? No, I don't want to see your "best dump ever."

Chicago, IL

Elliptical Girl

I intentionally kept running on the treadmill behind you because you were on the the elliptical in front of me and I couldn't stop looking at your ass. Creepy, yet so motivating.

Kalamazoo, MI

Your Sister's Friends

You called me over to look at a picture of "all your sister's hot friends on Halloween." Of course I came over to check it out and right when I did, you immediately realized your little sister was one of the "hot friends" you were checking out. You promised me not to say anything, but I seriously can't keep that to myself.

Chicago, IL

Airport Screener

Why were you security screening that super old woman? She was like 102 and about to die. You looked so happy smiling and eyeing her as you patted her down. Gross.

Chicago, IL

Friendly Fun?

You were sitting behind me in the van with our friends. I had my arm across the top of the benchseat, and you licked the top of my hand when I wasn't paying attention. I don't care if it was a dare, I'm still scarred.

Gaylord, MI

No Words Can Explain

This day will forever haunt me. I was sitting in class and earnestly trying not to pay attention to anything our professor had to say. I successfully made it through, but as I was about to leave, I glanced over at the wrong moment. As you got up and stretched, your shirt started to rise and I saw that you had "tucked" up your dick and the top was poking out. Our teacher is a 75 year old man and you sit at the front of the room. What is wrong with you???

Omaha, NE

Bar Gambler

So I'm with my family at a bar having a good time, when all of the sudden I look across the way and see you staring at me and my friend. I assume you will look away since it is creepy in itself, but no, you continue to look. All the sudden you head our way, and not only do you say "All I have is one question, are those boobs real?" you then follow up with "YES! I just won 20 bucks." I was right next to my dad, you jackass. Why don't you try the casinos instead of betting on girls bodies.

Blair, NE

Sloppy Girl at Madison

When every other girl dresses up like a slut on Halloween, you certainly thought it'd be a good idea to do the same. Unfortunately for everyone else, we had to look at you the whole night. Some girls just shouldn't pretend to be a Playboy bunny. Trust me, no one wanted to go home with you no matter how much titty you were showing.

Madison, WI

(Wo)Man on Red Line

You were an overweight, under-trimmed mannish woman. Okay, I get the picture -- you don't like to shave your legs, but seriously, I almost puked when you started to play with your leg hair.

Chicago, IL

Halloween Confession

I purposely wore reflective sunglasses so people couldn't see my eyes when I was talking to them. I like it better that way. I can stare ANYWHERE I want, and you don't know the difference.

Chicago, IL

Flasher Outfit

You decided that since your girlfriend was out of town, you would go as a huge creeper. You bought a dildo that was damn near 2 FEET LONG and kept dangling it at people as you walked by. How the hell did you even walk with that thing?

Omaha, NE