Weather Man

Waiting for the L in the freezing cold, you asked me what my ideal outside temperature is...you just wanted an excuse to tell me your's is 69. What a tool.

Chicago, IL

Different Strokes

You were looking at me, licking your lips, and stroking the pole you were holding on to in a very inappropriate manner, sir. I don't care if that's normal in Boystown, but where I'm from it's disgusting no matter what.

Chicago, IL

Slick Roads, Affectionate Lady

You stopped on a yellow light when I was behind you, and I crashed into your car. When we got out to exchange information, you gave me a hug and said "It's going to be alright." I felt like yelling "I NEED AN ADULT!!" just to see what would happen. Thanks for the early morning molest.

Omaha, NE

Fruit Seduction

You said something in Spanish, winked at me and then slowly put three bananas I didn't order into my to-go bag while staring at me.

Chicago, IL

Presents from Dad

My friend's Dad: "I refuse to buy you any more Christmas presents. The last three years have all been bras and thongs your Mom conned me into buying because they said there were for her. I finally found out I was buying them for my daughter."

Grand Rapids, MI

Dog Man

I have heard dogs pant quieter than you were breathing. I hope something is medically wrong with you because you looked and sounded perverted and sad just sitting alone trying to eat a hot dog at lunch.

Chicago, IL

Study Buddy #2

No, I don't want to study with you. You must have been staring at me with eagle eyes from across the room to see I was looking at the same textbook you were. And no, it's not funny how we've never met even though we sat near each other in the same class all semester. Kindly leave.

Oxford, OH

Laundry Room

I walked in to the laundry room to get my clothes out of the dryer and you were already there doing it for me. I thought it was a nice gesture until I realized you set aside one of my thongs on the washing machine. I'm guessing it was gonna be for a personal collection?

Bloomington, IN

No Longer My Friend

I thought there is no way in hell what I heard was true, but even when I asked you, you couldn't deny it...you had sex with a homeless chick just because she randomly somehow had a tattoo of your name on her arm. What THE FUCK?! I never thought I'd hear of such shame. No amount of soap will ever get you clean again.

Champaign, IL

Waffle House Creep

First of all, you're a middle aged man at waffle house at 3am...alone. Then, you tried to get my attention while I was paying by saying "come on baby." Come on what? And don't think I didn't see you lick the edge of that A1 steak sauce bottle, recap it, and put it back on the table like nothing happened. Other people use that too, ya know. Who orders a steak at waffle house anyways? It's called waffle house for a reason, creep.

Atlanta, GA

Pen Sniffer

You didn't know I came into the room, so I creeped on you as a joke. But really it ended up being me watching you put a pen into your mouth repeatedly and then smelling it after. When I asked you what the hell you were doing you just said "smelling a pen" as if I was insane for even asking. I'll be getting you a giant pack of pens for Christmas so you can smell them for days.

Mesick, MI

Newsfeed New Friend

Don't follow up introducing yourself with: "Yeah, I recognized you from my Facebook newsfeed." You're not off to a good start at all being my friend.

Chicago, IL

Wrigleyville Mechanic

Walking down Addison, you were the mechanic just standing and staring at the street out of the garage window. You scared the shit out of us, but even when we jumped once we saw you, just didn't flinch at all. When we passed by again five minutes later, you were gone. I wonder at what moment you were fully satisfied with your creepiness.

Chicago, IL

Shoe Starer

I was in the bathroom stall and you were in the one next to me. No words need to be said...ever. But seeing as you must be some shoe fashionista, you said to me, "so uhhh, where'd you get those shoes? I've been looking at them the whole time I've been in here."

Chicago, IL

Chivalry Is NOT Dead

You came up to me and offered a Kleenex because you saw me sneeze. Though appreciated, you tried to offer me one that was used. Then embarrassed that you didn't have any clean ones to offer, you kept nervously rambling about how you saw me sneezing a lot in the past few minutes and you couldn't believe you forgot to bring good ones. So pretty much after watching me from afar for a few minutes, your best remedy was a used tissue. Thank you for your kind efforts, but no thanks.

Chicago, IL

Study Buddy

Have you ever talked to a girl before? You could not have been more awkward and creepy if you tried. Asking me to study at your house because: "you know, my roommates are gone and it'll be just you and me and it'll...uhh be just the two of us to really get to know each other and the material, you know?"

I hope you fail the test and at life.

San Francisco, CA

Life Partner

We're practically standing nose-to-nose on the train and you told me that I looked like your "life partner." I didn't know it was possible to be any more uncomfortable than I already was. Thanks for the wonderful morning commute.

Chicago, IL

Roommate's Balls

I was ok with you just wearing boxers around the house, but you just sat next to me spread eagle and your balls just flopped out. Time's up, put some fucking pants on.

Chicago, IL

There Goes Santa Claus

Once Santa Claus left the kid's photo-op, I thought it'd be funny to sit in his chair...until I realized I was an unshaven, unclean college kid sitting and watching the kids play under the Christmas tree. I had to stop short of offering them the box of leftover candy canes. Merry Christmas, little ones.

Chicago, IL

The Host

The host at a sports bar shouldn't try to pump up a group of guys before seating them to watch a football game. Instead of simply saying our table is ready, he smiled and said, "Are there any MEN here who wanna watch some FOOTBALL?!" I don't know why he unnecessarily stressed men and football so much, but the fact that the bar is located in a mostly gay neighborhood definitely had something to do with it.

Ferndale, MI