Piano (Wo)Man

Really? You play piano? Yeah, I get the picture. You don't have to tell me that your "good with your hands." Ray Charles wouldn't even hook up with you.

Chicago, IL

BrickBreaking

I don't know what's worse: the fact that the guy next to my bathroom stall knew I was playing BrickBreaker or that I answered him when he asked what my high score was.


Boston, MA

Insecure

Overheard at B-Dubs in Lincoln Park: "I can't wait to go to New York tomorrow...mostly because now I'm certain I'll get patted down when I go through security. YES!"

Chicago, IL

Racketeer

I wanted to play a joke and scare my friend coming out of the dressing room in the mall, but then I realized I was lurking in the rack of women's tank tops for about 5 minutes until she actually came out. Sorry, women's section at Nordstorm.

Troy, MI

Santa's Lap

My uncle that I never see except like once every 4 years decided to play Santa at our family Christmas party. Of course, I'm still considered part of the kids table so I get a gift from "Santa" aka my drunk uncle. He was adamant about me sitting on his lap until he would give me my gift... yeah, I'm 23. Once I sat on his lap he even said, "that's a good girl..you didn't want to be acting naughty for Santa did you?" Fuuuuck my family.

Chicago, IL

Merry Christmas Creepbook Loyals

Its only appropriate that we make a salute to the most popular creep in the world today.

Not only do you spend your year watching children, but you also make a list of the naughty ones. Then one night a year, you decide to break into their houses while they are sleeping and leave them packages. Literally, if you were an actual person, you'd be locked up for life. Almost forgot to mention that you live in a compound with a community of elves, secluded from all society. What are you hiding? There are plenty of factories available in Detroit that you could use.

So cheers to you Santa, you have made a career out of being creepy and you get away with it year after year. But this year we had to call you out and put you on the naughty list because you are truly an inspiration to creeps everywhere.

North Pole

Creeped Out Stripper

Strip clubs, I know, are creepy places sometimes, but the guy getting a dance next to me had the ultimate creepy request that even sent shivers down my spine. As the girl leaned in and asked his name, he ignored the question and made his request: "I'm going to pay you for a lap dance, but I don't want the dance, instead I want you to just scratch my back for the entire song." I have never seen a stripper creeped out--I thought it was impossible--but this guy making walrus noises while she reluctantly scratched his back made him a pioneer into the last creepy frontier.

Mt. Clemens, MI

Wanna-Be Jersey

While Christmas shopping at the mall a gelled haired man came up and said, "So many sexy ladies at the mall" and started fist pumping with his buddies. Although you want to live there, you're not on the Jersey Shore. You're in Chicago. Deal with it.

Chicago, IL

Daddy's Secret

There's nothing creepier than seeing a middle aged man with his three kids (one who is in a stroller) getting a Christmas "gift" aka sexy underwear at Victoria Secret for his wife. Will there soon be a fourth child?

Chicago, IL

Santa's Lap

No, I won't sit on your lap. Stop trying to tell people at the bar you look like Santa just because you're fat and have a beard.

Royal Oak, MI

Paul Bunyan

You were sitting in your car stealing wireless internet from a place that offers it for free. Why don't you just go inside? Why are you wearing rapist sunglasses at dusk and look like a lumberjack? Step outside your car, join society.

Royal Oak, MI

Dog Days of Christmas

Thanks for sending me a picture of your dog's boner. What wonderful way to start my day.

St. Louis, MO

Say What Karaoke

As if singing "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias to me wasn't enough, you had to point at me while you were singing, and then add my name to the lyrics so everyone could fully understand that you want me. Wow, you've really won me over this time.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

"Me" Time

I just got to the public library with my laptop and really had to go to the bathroom. I felt like such a fucking creep walking out of the bathroom with my laptop next to the kids section as if I needed some "alone time" to my self in the bathroom stall.

Birmingham, MI

Your Cousin

Your cousin sat on my lap and then two of our other friends' laps looking to hook up with her in your basement during your family Christmas party. I don't know how your family does things, but she's 16--I'm 22. That's not alright. Keep a leash on her.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Mistle-don't

I get the point--you're supposed to kiss under mistletoe. But you cornered me and pulled it out of your pocket so you could say we were standing under it. I tried to laugh it off as a joke, but you were dead serious about us kissing the entire night. Stop following me.

Oak Park, IL

Growing Fonder

Your uncle was really impressed by the way I've "grown up" over the years. Seriously, he was staring at my boobs and one-eyeing me the whole time he was talking to me. Merry Christmas to me.

Sandy Springs, GA

Stop & Smell

A woman at work just came to my cube and told me she loved walking to the printer because I smell so good.

Bloomfield Hills, MI

Love at First Flight

You saw me on a cross-country flight and found out what school I went to by asking my coach sitting next to you. You looked up my team photo, found my name, and friended me on Facebook. We never met in person until you flew across the country to my school to meet me, and now we're dating. Wow. Do you do this often?

Los Angeles, CA

Party In the USA

You: "There's nothing better than grinding on random chicks to Miley Cyrus songs. I don't care if she's like 16 or something--she's hot dude. She's the only one I'm thinking of when"Party in the USA" comes on at the bar.

Chicago, IL

Nice Muffs

Walking down the street, a girl in huge earmuffs passed by us and you could not have been any louder saying, "Oh my God-I want to hook up with that girl in the giant earmuffs SO BAD." I know she heard us because she was literally 2 feet in front of us. They're earmuffs dude, not earplugs.

Birmingham, MI

My Secret's Out

I just walked out of Victoria's Secret after buying a Christmas gift, and these two guys just smiled at me and nodded their heads as I walked by. As I passed them, one of them said: "Oh, very good choice indeed" and started laughing with his friend.

Troy, MI

Friendly Visit

A guy at work left a note on my car at home that said he was in the neighborhood and was sorry he missed me because it looked like no one was home. I never told him where I lived.

Buffalo, NY

Want To Be A Maverick?

You told me about a Law and Order:SVU episode you just saw. You explained the premise involved a group of guys that kept a scoreboard of women they laid. The episode ended with them all being convicted of statutory rape. The guys in the show nicknamed themselves, 'The Mavericks.' So my answer to your question is no, I don't want to start our own chapter of 'The Mavericks.'

Birmingham, MI

Lock Master

I have a lot of keys on my key ring and they fell out of my purse waiting for the bus. When I picked them up the man next to me just said, "who are you trying to keep out of your house so badly with all them keys, girl?"

New York, New York

Grandpa In Heaven

I was at the gym when I saw a really old man just sitting on the couch staring at people working out. I was so intrigued that I sat down near him while I tied my shoes when he immediately said to me, "will you look at that? Ho-ly smokes" as he was pointing to girl with huge boobs running on the treadmill. He never took his eyes off of her. I love that man.

Evanston, IL

Good Sneezer?

I walked out of Border's and sneezed. You passed me a few minutes later and said: "well, that was a big one wasn't it?"

Chicago, IL

Friendly Wave

So, I was at the IC yesterday and I saw you stalking my "Book." I don't even know who you are. When you looked at me you smiled at waved.

Chicago, IL

Asian Fever

You looked like Bam Bam Bigelow from the WWF and tried to pick up my friend by saying she was like "your own little China doll."

Chicago, IL

Tiger Tiger Woods Y'All

You tried to pick me up by telling me that your kids go to the same elementary school that I did and then asked for my phone number. When I said "no, sorry, you're married" (not to mention old and creepy) you responded "Damn. Tiger Woods has totally ruined my game."

Royal Oak, MI

Not So Silent

I thought it was pretty funny to be farting in the library. I also thought that just my buddy could hear them. But when I got up and saw your face staring at me with disgust in the reflection of the window...wow. I apologize, because I have no idea you were 3 ft behind me. You could've moved though, it was going on for at least an hour. Did you enjoy?

East Lansing, MI

The Toucher

You've become infamous for being really touchy when you drink. But dude, I'm another man. Don't ever come up behind me and gently rub my waist. And your excuse that you thought I was my girlfriend? WTF?? Never again.

East Lansing, MI

Nipple Pincher

I gave you a glass of water because I could see that even when drunk Ritz crackers are tough to eat in bulk. You proceeded to put your arm around me rub my chest then pinch my nipples. Your customs for showing appreciation are foreign to me, but creepy in any culture.

Buffalo, NY

Weather Man

Waiting for the L in the freezing cold, you asked me what my ideal outside temperature is...you just wanted an excuse to tell me your's is 69. What a tool.

Chicago, IL

Different Strokes

You were looking at me, licking your lips, and stroking the pole you were holding on to in a very inappropriate manner, sir. I don't care if that's normal in Boystown, but where I'm from it's disgusting no matter what.

Chicago, IL

Slick Roads, Affectionate Lady

You stopped on a yellow light when I was behind you, and I crashed into your car. When we got out to exchange information, you gave me a hug and said "It's going to be alright." I felt like yelling "I NEED AN ADULT!!" just to see what would happen. Thanks for the early morning molest.

Omaha, NE

Fruit Seduction

You said something in Spanish, winked at me and then slowly put three bananas I didn't order into my to-go bag while staring at me.

Chicago, IL

Presents from Dad

My friend's Dad: "I refuse to buy you any more Christmas presents. The last three years have all been bras and thongs your Mom conned me into buying because they said there were for her. I finally found out I was buying them for my daughter."

Grand Rapids, MI

Dog Man

I have heard dogs pant quieter than you were breathing. I hope something is medically wrong with you because you looked and sounded perverted and sad just sitting alone trying to eat a hot dog at lunch.

Chicago, IL

Study Buddy #2

No, I don't want to study with you. You must have been staring at me with eagle eyes from across the room to see I was looking at the same textbook you were. And no, it's not funny how we've never met even though we sat near each other in the same class all semester. Kindly leave.

Oxford, OH

Laundry Room

I walked in to the laundry room to get my clothes out of the dryer and you were already there doing it for me. I thought it was a nice gesture until I realized you set aside one of my thongs on the washing machine. I'm guessing it was gonna be for a personal collection?

Bloomington, IN

No Longer My Friend

I thought there is no way in hell what I heard was true, but even when I asked you, you couldn't deny it...you had sex with a homeless chick just because she randomly somehow had a tattoo of your name on her arm. What THE FUCK?! I never thought I'd hear of such shame. No amount of soap will ever get you clean again.

Champaign, IL

Waffle House Creep

First of all, you're a middle aged man at waffle house at 3am...alone. Then, you tried to get my attention while I was paying by saying "come on baby." Come on what? And don't think I didn't see you lick the edge of that A1 steak sauce bottle, recap it, and put it back on the table like nothing happened. Other people use that too, ya know. Who orders a steak at waffle house anyways? It's called waffle house for a reason, creep.

Atlanta, GA

Pen Sniffer

You didn't know I came into the room, so I creeped on you as a joke. But really it ended up being me watching you put a pen into your mouth repeatedly and then smelling it after. When I asked you what the hell you were doing you just said "smelling a pen" as if I was insane for even asking. I'll be getting you a giant pack of pens for Christmas so you can smell them for days.

Mesick, MI

Newsfeed New Friend

Don't follow up introducing yourself with: "Yeah, I recognized you from my Facebook newsfeed." You're not off to a good start at all being my friend.

Chicago, IL

Wrigleyville Mechanic

Walking down Addison, you were the mechanic just standing and staring at the street out of the garage window. You scared the shit out of us, but even when we jumped once we saw you, just didn't flinch at all. When we passed by again five minutes later, you were gone. I wonder at what moment you were fully satisfied with your creepiness.

Chicago, IL

Shoe Starer

I was in the bathroom stall and you were in the one next to me. No words need to be said...ever. But seeing as you must be some shoe fashionista, you said to me, "so uhhh, where'd you get those shoes? I've been looking at them the whole time I've been in here."

Chicago, IL

Chivalry Is NOT Dead

You came up to me and offered a Kleenex because you saw me sneeze. Though appreciated, you tried to offer me one that was used. Then embarrassed that you didn't have any clean ones to offer, you kept nervously rambling about how you saw me sneezing a lot in the past few minutes and you couldn't believe you forgot to bring good ones. So pretty much after watching me from afar for a few minutes, your best remedy was a used tissue. Thank you for your kind efforts, but no thanks.

Chicago, IL

Study Buddy

Have you ever talked to a girl before? You could not have been more awkward and creepy if you tried. Asking me to study at your house because: "you know, my roommates are gone and it'll be just you and me and it'll...uhh be just the two of us to really get to know each other and the material, you know?"

I hope you fail the test and at life.

San Francisco, CA

Life Partner

We're practically standing nose-to-nose on the train and you told me that I looked like your "life partner." I didn't know it was possible to be any more uncomfortable than I already was. Thanks for the wonderful morning commute.

Chicago, IL

Roommate's Balls

I was ok with you just wearing boxers around the house, but you just sat next to me spread eagle and your balls just flopped out. Time's up, put some fucking pants on.

Chicago, IL

There Goes Santa Claus

Once Santa Claus left the kid's photo-op, I thought it'd be funny to sit in his chair...until I realized I was an unshaven, unclean college kid sitting and watching the kids play under the Christmas tree. I had to stop short of offering them the box of leftover candy canes. Merry Christmas, little ones.

Chicago, IL

The Host

The host at a sports bar shouldn't try to pump up a group of guys before seating them to watch a football game. Instead of simply saying our table is ready, he smiled and said, "Are there any MEN here who wanna watch some FOOTBALL?!" I don't know why he unnecessarily stressed men and football so much, but the fact that the bar is located in a mostly gay neighborhood definitely had something to do with it.

Ferndale, MI